For obvious reasons, you must imagine that I’m thinking all the time, but actually I’m not. Sometimes my brain is turned off, even if I’m driving along the interstate or looking straight into your eyes and nodding, or doing both at the same time.

So what, exactly, is going on in my brain?

That’s what scientists want to find out. My agent says the scientific community believes it can learn a lot from studying my brain when it’s not being used, which is surprisingly often. I’ll have to wear some of that headgear that will scan what’s going on in my head 24/7, and in return I’ll be handsomely paid.  Heck, I'd consider doing it for less handsome remuneration because I know how much this study will benefit humankind.

Patiently waiting for scientists to send my agent and me the contract.