Looking for some water for my parched throat while at the North Conway Grand Hotel – a resort-y inn with a bar (still going strong at 11:28 p.m.), two pools, a game room, ping pong tables, and a possessed soda machine that contained 25 or so half liter bottles of chilled H-2-0, of which I wanted just one.

I wasn’t 100% sure if $2 gets you a liter of water in July, 2015 in New Hampshire, so I put in a dollar and punched in D5 (because that particular water looked the most refreshing of them all). No reaction from this machine, not even an additional amount I needed to part with for my precious bottle of water to be set free. So I put in another dollar, which was promptly spat out. Then my first dollar was returned as well – in the form of 10 dimes. Hmmm.

I put some of the recently delivered dimes back in the coin slot, but they didn’t make the satisfying engagement noise indicating that the machine was even aware of their existence. I hit the coin return, but nothing. Now my dimes were being held against their will!

I took the rest of my dimes and went off to get more dollars, given that this soda machine had issues with small coinage. I returned with more dollar bills and a few quarters, slipped a dollar into the machine’s mouth, and before I could insert a second dollar bill, the first was changed for 20 nickels.

I tried one last time, inserting two quarters into the coin slot first, but soon these were changed for 10 more nickels. OK, OK I get the point: drink the hotel’s (free, warm) tap water!

In other news, remind me to tell you about my new car’s navigation system.